*Jesus is a blood-drinking Vampire ("The blood is the life").
*The Christian God is the source of all evil.
*God is fighting against Wisdom and Light.
*Satan can, indeed save your immortal soul.

What does God tell us to do? We are to eat his flesh and drink his blood. Call me crazy, but isn't that some kind of evil ritual? I thought that other guy, Lucifer was the evil one. If God wants us to do evil rituals, then maybe he's the bad guy! What else does God want us to do? He wants us to wash in the blood of Jesus. That doesn't sound good. He wants us to allow Jesus into our hearts so that he can guide us. Wait a minute, that's posession! I thought that only Satan did that posession stuff! But, come to think of it, Lucifer never says that he posesses people. God says that Lucifer posesses people, but who wants to trust a guy who promites cannibalism and bathing in blood? We're also supposed to join God's army so he can kill Lucifer. Why isn't Satan raising his own army? Is the Devil one of those weird-assed passifists? Looks that way.

The Christian God is really the source of all evil. His son, Jesus is a vampire. Together, they are gathering an army of flesh-eating, blood-drinking cannibals whose rotting corpses will be raised from the dead at some time in the future so they can have a big battle with the innocent Devil. Who is this Lucifer? The morning star, the bearer of light. And yet, "the wise shall be the bearers of light". So God is fighting against wisdom and light. Evil, thats what he is, evil.

For those who don't understand, we advocate being Saved by Satan, instead of the evil cannibal, God. Yes, Satan can save you, just as he's saved millions before you. We understand that God is the source of all evil, and strive to rid our culture of the pervasive image of Satan as the source of the world's strife, havoc, and vampirism.

Text originally by Scott of http://www.paranoia.com/~wcs, used with permission.