"In the beginning was the word, and it was written by a babboon." -Joseph Malik

"Words can help. In the right situation. If they're the wrong words. I mean, the right words. No, I do mean the wrong words." -Mavis

_Illuminatus!_ was published in 1975. The _Principia Discordia_ dates from similar antiquity. The social and political climates of the English-speaking world have drastically changed since those times. How can we, as modern Discordians reconcile our philosophies to the political and social climate of the new century? We have a plethora of information that is very heterosexual, very "women's lib is a radical idea"; very dated, in some ways.

As we have seen with Christianity, just because something is dated doesn't mean modern people cannot relate to it and should just give up and consign it to the dry shelves of dead history. Also, as we have seen with Christianity, the way to keep beliefs and ideas alive is by constantly transfusing them with vital new blood.

Recently, I found a book called _The Televisionary Oracle_ by Rob Brezsny. It's amazing and incredable and reminds me of some kind of feminist Discordian manifesto. Check it out. This could be the Next Big Thing. Please read this book!! I literally cannot say enough good things about it. I have made most of my friends purchase a copy of this book. It blew my fucking mind. An experience like reading this book is regrettably rare in a world of grey so-so spirituality. Dare I say it's better than _Illuminatus_? Maybe. Read for yourself and find out.

Below, the members of Discordian.com and the Church of No Dead Saints offer up their views on everything from money to sex to Hamburger Helper. We hope you love them, hate them, dream about them, scream them in the throes of passion, babble them in the throes of maddness; most importantly, we hope you think about them and decide for yourself what you believe.

We only hope this new blood proves a worthy sacrifice to Our Lady of Chaos & Mischief. Because, by ghod, if it doesn't - I'm going to have to start eating hot dogs on Fridays again. And I really don't like hot dogs.

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Serious (not solemn) Stuff

The writings listed below are fairly serious in content, though not always very solemn in their execution. These are our beliefs, our pet-peeves, our crazinesses reflected in html. All rights reversed as usual, but please give credit where due.

Pope Key Linus' Views on pranking.

Discordian Symbolism & The Brain, by the Dalai Lemon.

Dim's Discordianism is a fresh look at our odd semi-faith. By Dim the Barbarian.

Valerian's Thoughts on perceptual reality and belief vs. thought.

Cuss for Good Health! Ozgar fucking goes off on goddamn semantics.

Merry Consumermas! Discordian December holidays. By Saint Mae.

Discordianism: A Modern Context is how St. Crossley defines Discordianism.

What is a rutabaga? Rutabaga is a term the Church of No Dead Saints uses for a certaink type of Discordian. Read all about it. By Saint Mae.

Why We Prank is a rant I found years ago. This is the best explanation I have ever found on why pranking is vital, important, and a whole lot of fun. Permission granted by the author to post. By d0k h0l0day.

The Currency Cabal is a manifesto on subversion through money. By Saint Mae.

New Slang is our attempt to spread a cool meme. By Saint Mae.

Silly Stuff

Sometimes the absurd is necessary to point out the absurd. The cliche "it takes one to know one" isn't always wrong. Sometimes, you need a clown to point out another clown.

Happy New Year! It's not just for Gregorians anymore. By Bro. Bezoomny Koshka.

The Mitochondria Conspiracy!! They're in your body, alive, and doing whatever they please - and you can't escape (you're the whore to these drug-addicting, violence-threatening bacterial pimps)! By Bro. Bezoomny Koshka.

Chess - the Hidden Racist Threat shows how chess, with it's arcane rules and black and white pieces is insidiously undermining racial equality. By Saint Mae.

Hamburger Helper is a toxic dinner-in-a-box. See how insidious it really is! By Saint Mae.

The Students for Satanic Salvation made their first appearance at UMass Amherst in '97. This poster was written to give some competition to the huge ammount of campus Christian groups, but ended up pissing off the pagans more than the Christians. (Note for the clueless - discordian.com has nothing against Christians. They just needed a little competition.) By Saint Mae.

Parables & Goddess Stories

The modern world has a deep, unquenched thirst for the spiritual. Even as recently as a hundred years ago (or less), the world was mostly divided into pre-set religious groups: Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Taoist, with a scattering of others. From the day you were born, you knew which religion you were to follow, which customs were yours, which god/ess to pray to, what to believe in and value. These days, we are born into ambiguity. Many people, especially Westerners are seeking a form of spirituality and are comming up empty handed, with only the bills from gurus and psychics to prove they ever searched at all. Spirituality doesn't need expensive accessories, false "masters", faithless faiths and inhumane humanitarians. What it needs is self-knowledge and belief (in anything). For your spiritual edification, we have included parables and stories of encounters with Our Lady of Chaos.

When the Waters Were Changed is an excerpt from _Tales of the Dervishes_ by Idries Shah.

The Liar is an excerpt _Armenian Folk-Tales and Fables_, retold by Charles Downing.

Wiping a Buddha's Ass is an excerpt from _Zen Antics: 101 Stories of Enlightenment_, translated and edited by Thomas Cleary.

The Parable of the Commie and the Treehugger, by Saint Durrutti.

The Prettiest One is to be sung to the tune of To God Be The Glory.

Hey You!

Yes, I'm talking to you reading this right now. Don't just sit there!Write something. Discordian.com is vibrant and vital only because intellectually sexy, amazingly perceptive individuals (like you!) decided to stop being amused and start being amusing. Prove to us that you're the most delicious of all the chocolates.

What kind of writings am I looking for?

Contrary to a lot of Discordians, we're not looking for meaningless drivel and "random" stupidity. Maybe that's what you've grown to expect from the followers of Eris. Maybe you're not really sure what else you can come up with. I assure you - you're smarter than you think you are. Delve deep into your pineal gland. Seek out solace in a latenight creepy warehouse district. Masturbate while calling your own name. Write for Discordian.com - show us the way to your enlightenment.